it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
