Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
