I think I won the penis lottery.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
