We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
