My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
