So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
