i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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