I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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