Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
