it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
