when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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