There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
