youre lurking in front of me
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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