Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
