Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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