PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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