if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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