Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
