Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Randomize
