Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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