You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
