Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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