AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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