What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
