halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
