This house was built for laser tag.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
