either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
