at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
