you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
