Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
