everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
