I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
