The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
