Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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