I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
