im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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