I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
