Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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