we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
