he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
