if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize