you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
