come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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