omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
