In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
