Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
