respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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