Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
