The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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