I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
