And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
