What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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