If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize