Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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