oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
