i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
