we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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