I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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