the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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