He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
