How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
