she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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