This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
