Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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