haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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