4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
