Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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