just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
