The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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