Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
