Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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