I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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