just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
